How Much Mercy Is Too Much? Genesis 50: 15-21; Matthew 18: 21-35
A few years ago, a friend of mine decided to take up wine making. She hoped to sell some of it as a side business and provide the wine for Communion at her Episcopal church where they use the real thing in Communion instead of grape juice. She asked if I wanted to join in, and I said no because it’s probably not a good look for a pastor to be bootlegging. Anyway…she finished her first batch, took a taste and nearly gagged. It was beyond bitter and almost undrinkable. She laughed and named it “Forgiveness.” A short while later, she made a second batch. This time it turned out very sweet and smooth with a great taste. She named this one “Forgiveness” as well. I asked why, and she replied, “Because so often forgiveness is bittersweet.”
Today we look at this idea of forgiveness as bittersweet and complex thing in our lives. Both Joseph in Genesis and Jesus in the Gospels taught and lived forgiveness, and their lessons are truly powerful for us today, especially on the limitlessness of forgiveness, the needed boundaries in forgiveness, and what healthy relationships should look like in our lives.
So how many times should we forgive? Forgiveness, in our lives, must be limitless because it is for us and our personal healing. Peter comes and asks Jesus how often he should forgive someone who sins against him. He suggests what he thinks is a very significant amount of times at seven. But Jesus totally shocked him by saying, no, seventy times seven times. In essence, Jesus is saying you cannot limit forgiveness to a certain amount of times. Many people believe forgiveness is a grand “get out of jail free” card, but that is not correct. Forgiveness, instead, frees us from the burden of the wrong done to us and turns the offender over to God’s providence. As Romans 12:19 says, “Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, ‘I will take revenge; I will pay them back,’ says the LORD.”
In the parable Jesus tells of a man who owed a huge debt, and when called to repay it, he begged the king for mercy. The king granted him such mercy on an enormous debt. We ask for the same in our prayers when we say “forgive us our debts (or trespasses) as we forgive our debtors.” But the trouble is we become stingy with forgiveness thinking it helps our cause. Anger and a thirst for vengeance is a potent poison, and holding on to it is just the same as drinking that poison. We forgive, not to excuse a wrong, but to release ourselves from the poison it causes in our lives. When our body is poisoned, it has to be flushed out of us. Likewise, when our soul and spirit are poisoned, we must flush it out of our system in order to heal. Thus forgiveness must be limitless in our lives.
But, our healing and safety demand that our forgiveness have appropriate boundaries to ensure safety and right behavior. We read further in the parable that the man whose enormous debt was forgiven turned on his fellow servant, treated him brutally, and had him jailed. He had just experienced so much forgiveness in his own life, but could find none for another. He had manipulated and exploited the King, and for this evil, the king punished him severely.
Boundaries are hard. But in living a life with appropriate boundaries, we must learn to gently say no. A friend of mine made some poor decisions early on in life. She had a failed marriage and had gone through some issues. Her rather insensitive family liked to make her the topic of discussion and jokes at family get-togethers. Finally one day she found the courage to say, “No, we will not be discussing my life anymore,” then she got up and left. At first it was awful, but eventually, her family respected her boundary and learned to recognize when she was uncomfortable. We will have to do the same at times in our lives.
We often in life have to set boundaries for others, and forgiveness is just another boundary—the boundary we set for ourselves. Christ routinely set boundaries. He stopped the hatefulness of the pharisees. He quelled the rumblings of the disciples. We too will have to sometimes say that someone is not going to speak to us that way. We may have to say that we won’t have a conversation with someone until they calm down. We may have to explain calmly and patiently that something hurt our feelings, and this is why. At first you will encounter anger from people who can no longer push you around. But eventually, they will come to respect where and when you say no. If they can’t or won’t offer you that respect, let them walk out of your life. God will deal with them just as the king dealt with the manipulative debtor.
Finally, we should remember that all relationships must be built on mutual, Christ-like love for one another. We see this example in Joseph. He had this strong sense of peace and strength. This despite being nearly killed, then sold into slavery by his brothers, and finally being wrongfully imprisoned. He reconciled with those who brought harm to him when he was ready, and when God had their hearts ready. We see here the brothers, filled with shame, guilt, and fear. While they had been living as a family again for some time, it appears that they still worried Joseph was waiting for a good time to seek revenge. But Joseph knew that revenge and payback never come from a holy or Godly motivation.
His love and forgiveness (from a very Christ-like attitude) proved to his brothers that it is never too late for a right and healthy relationship when everyone’s heart is in the right place with God. This means that Christ is at the center of the relationship, love is the guidepost throughout, and kindness is the standard of all interactions. But most of all we see that if we want forgiveness in our lives, we must be willing to forgive others as well. Joseph’s walk with God gave him the strength to reconcile with his family. But the debtor’s manipulation of the king and abuse of his fellow debtor sealed his fate in his own wickedness and brutality to others. If you expect God’s forgiveness of your sins, you must be willing to forgive even as God does for us.
Sometimes, though, forgiveness feels bittersweet to us. We live in a world that is flawed, where struggles about, and where pain and hurt affect so many people. And in this life we must find, with God’s help and guidance, that very fine line between forgiveness to protect the soul and spirit and boundaries to protect the mind and body. The way to this balance is to have Christ as the focal point, the model, and the Holy One over all of our relationships and in all of our lives. We must speak as Christ spoke, love as Christ loved (which is unconditionally), heal and Christ healed, and forgive even as Christ forgave. He forgave those who killed him, and he still forgives us even now…seven times seventy times, through the pain and bittersweet, and still forgives us again. So let us do the same.
Worship Video:https://www.facebook.com/fccmacon/videos/939553159855441