How to Deal with People: Exodus 32: 1-14; Ephesians 4: 1-6
Sometime back an ex contacted me on facebook messenger and said, “I miss you. I miss us, what we had.” I kind of sat back and looked at the message much like one looks at what would come up out of a clogged drain. What we had was about three weeks, two of which were miserable. And I thought I had made the “let’s not talk again” part fairly clear, but apparently not so much. So, I sat there holding my phone, remembering all of the moodiness, attitude, neediness, trouble, and aggravation from that short-lived relationship. I read the words again, “I miss you. I miss us…what we had,” and I replied, “I don’t. Bye.”
We read in many parts of the Gospels about faith and grace—how to obtain it, how to live it, and how Jesus gives salvation. That’s clear enough to us. But then, there’s this huge portion of the Gospels and all that follows in the New Testament that tries to sort out and give a few guidelines for the overwhelming messiness of dealing with people. That, perhaps, is the most difficult part of living in Christ…all the other folks and various personalities we’ve got to deal with. Therefore, today, we read these two scriptures: one tells us quite literally about how God decided not to smite people off of the face of the earth, and the other provides some more gentle reminders and guidelines as we look and learn how we deal with people.
In our Old Testament, we hear how Moses went up to Mount Sinai to receive the law and instruction from God, specifically the Ten Commandments. The people down in the valley, however, seem to have no conviction, no depth of faith, and no loyalty whatsoever. Mind you, this occurs after the plagues, after the first passover, after the parting of the Red Sea, and after the pillars of cloud and fire. The people had seen God’s might and power. Yet, even still, when Moses takes his time returning, they cry out to Moses’ brother, no less, to make them gold, graven images to worship. They they proclaim, “O Israel, these are the gods who brought you out of Egypt.”
God then becomes angry, and rightfully so, I believe. God tells Moses that he will destroy all of the people (including Moses’ family) and will make a great nation out of Moses. But Moses pleads and intercedes with the Lord. And here is where we learn our first lesson. We see the growth and maturity in Moses. In his early days Moses was the impetuous one who killed an overseer in Egypt, begged the Lord to get anyone else for leadership, whined, cried, and complained the whole way in his early days. But here we see a wise and mature Moses speaking as a prophet and as a leader.
Moses realizes the people have done wrong , that they have hurt and grieved the Lord deeply God’s angry, yes, but mostly God is hurt by the disloyal, conniving people who would turn their backs on God. Moses, however, pleads for grace. He calls on God not to let Egypt have the last laugh at the destruction of the people, pleads with God to remember Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to remember the promises made. Moses essentially calls on God to deal with the people accordingly and not harshly or deservingly.
The people were not fully spared, though. In the end, the ones who continued in their rebellion died, and the ones who repented were made to wander in the wilderness till their children were old enough to inherit the promised land instead of them. But the real struggle was that the Lord no longer traveled in their midst as God had before. They were not destroyed, but they were also not free from the consequences of a broken relationship and ruined trust. God stayed with them, but God’s relationship to them was never the same. God did, however, remain close to Moses, spoke to him, guided him, and was present with him, for Moses had not only shown his loyalty and love, but also wisdom, faith, and maturity.
So, if we are to live with wisdom, faith, and maturity, what are we told about how to deal with people? Paul starts this portion of Ephesians with words that echo Moses’ commitment. He says to them, “[I] beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God.” And then we receive a few good guidelines to follow: be patient with each other, make allowances for each other’s faults because of your love, make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, bind yourselves together with peace.
Why these instructions? In society we hear the advise of “just walk away.” But Ephesians gives us a different instruction. New Testament scholar and professor Daniel Wallace was asked once what the general theme of Ephesians is, and he responded like this: “Christians, get along with each other! Maintain the unity practically which Christ has effected positionally by his death.” In fact, all of Ephesians is a discussion on how to get along in relationships. Many have questioned why Ephesians would put us in such a vulnerable position of offering grace, overlooking faults, stay united and bound together, and be patient with messy people.
The true mark of faith, wisdom, and maturity, according to Ephesians, is finding ourselves unconcerned about the actions and behaviors of others, and instead, ultimately concerned about the example we set. In the same way you don’t let a toddler’s tantrum control your life, neither should an adult’s bad and manipulative behavior. Correct it, then set the proper example.
And we are told why: there is one Lord, one faith, one baptism. There is one God of all, who is over all, in all, and living through all, and yes, even the most irritating, difficult, obnoxious one you encounter. God is still over all, in all, and living through all. Thus, the way people behave is a problem between them and God, so Paul tells us to set an example in our behavior and relationship, then turn them over to God.
I read a little statement the other day that said this: “I heard someone say ‘don’t cross oceans for someone who wouldn’t cross a puddle for you.’” I thought that was good advice. But then someone else spoke up and said, ‘No, Do it. Cross oceans for people. Love all people, no conditions attached, no wondering whether they are worthy. Cross oceans, climb mountains. Life and love isn’t about what you gain, it’s about what you give.’ And then, I changed my mind.”
Perhaps the best way to deal with people is found in Christ. Be safe, be firm, be honest with people, gently correcting their faults and holding them accountable. But do so with grace, with gentleness, remembering that we are the ones called to set an example for what Christ’s presence and love looks like on this earth. It’s hard to find a balance between love and grace and not letting people manipulate and take advantage of you. But ultimately I am convinced that God will deal with hearts and minds sorting out how people live and act. But as for us, how do we deal with people? We offer them love; we offer them grace; and we give them to God, who has unending power to change hearts, change minds, and fix what may be broken.