Forgive or Suffer, Jesus Ain’t Joking—Gen. 50: 15-21; Matt. 18: 21-35
This week I read an article of the three hardest things to say to someone. They are as follows: 1) I was wrong, and I’m sorry; 2) I forgive you; and 3) Worcestershire Sauce. Well, I didn’t say they were the three hardest things to say for the same reason though! Let’s focus in on that second hard thing to say—“I forgive you.” Forgiveness plays a large role in our faith as Christians. In fact, one might say it is foundational to the work of Christ in our lives. If you want the hefty theological term, I think it’s called unmerited grace. But more simply it means forgiveness that no one has earned.
Our scriptures for today present both Jesus’s teaching on forgiveness as well as the example of Joseph in truly forgiving his brothers for the crimes they committed against him. These stories and parables are familiar, but they still can be a very hard pill to swallow. Here are three lessons from these familiar stories on forgiveness: first, forgiveness is not earned; second, forgiveness should be abundant; and last, refusing to forgive will hurt you.
First, forgiveness is not and cannot be earned. We read in the first round of forgiveness to Joseph’s brothers that there was no real apology or repentance. It was simply tears and hugs. Here we see something fuller. They beg Joseph to forgive their sin and throw themselves on his mercies now that their father is dead. They believed that Joseph was as cruel as they were, waiting only till their father was dead to kill them all. But Joseph doesn’t live in bitterness and hatred. He did not have this long-game of murder and revenge planned against his cruel brothers.
But more importantly, there really was nothing they could really do to earn forgiveness. They offered to be Joseph’s slaves if only he would spare them. The truth is there was no way for them to make it up to Joseph for plotting to kill him then selling him off into child slavery. Hallmark doesn’t make an apology card for something that evil. But Joseph doesn’t want them to suffer, nor does he care anymore about being the best and the one they bow before like he did as a child. Joseph’s response of true forgiveness and love shows just how strongly God dwelt with him and how strongly he desired to follow God.
Likewise, in the gospel we see a man who owed a debt which could never be repaid. The king had every right to punish this servant for his indebtedness. But the servant begged for forgiveness. He could never pay his debts. He could never make it up to the king. His forgiveness could never and would never be earned. But he received it anyway from a king who was kind and merciful. It’s symbolic of God’s forgiveness to humankind. It’s not our ability to “make it up to God,” but simply God’s love which offers the forgiveness and grace.
One of the hardest lessons in life is that we will usually have to forgive people who have no way of earning that forgiveness. If someone talks badly about us or to us, hurts us, does something harmful in our lives, there’s no real way to take that back. We want that—we want to hurt to be undone, but it can’t. When we forgive, it has to be like Joseph or the king, and offered to those who can never and will never earn that forgiveness. God’s love and our love is found in forgiveness, not payback from an offending party.
Second, forgiveness should be abundantly given from us. In the gospel, Peter asks Jesus about forgiveness. He asks Jesus how many times he should forgive, and Peter suggests what he thinks is a big number—7 times. Jesus, however, shocks Peter and the other disciples by saying seventy times seven times. Jesus essentially tells Peter not to be stingy with forgiveness. We should forgive abundantly.
Similarly, Joseph could easily have accepted the offer his brothers made to be slaves to him and to Egypt. Joseph could have exacted his revenge and punishment on his cruel siblings in this instant with their father dead. But Joseph forgave in abundance, and in fact, he goes way beyond forgiveness. He promises to take care of his brothers and look out for them and their families.
The reason we should forgive abundantly is that forgiveness is for us. Forgiveness was for Joseph. Forgiveness was for the king. It is never for the person who has done the wrong. Think of this analogy a friend a mentor told me. Let’s say you have a kitchen sink where over and over dirty, messy, and harmful things are dumped into the sink. If you never wipe it clean, the sink will become corroded until it is no longer usable. But if you wipe it clean abundantly, the sink shines like new, and the filth gets thrown into the trash where it belongs.
Forgiveness doesn’t excuse the guilty. Forgiveness frees you from the burden of the filth they tried to bring into your life. If Joseph never moved on beyond what his brothers did, he would have been too bitter for God to work in him. If everyone acted like the unforgiving servant, the world would be a cruel and miserable place. Forgiveness must be abundant from us, so that life can be abundant for us.
Last, if we refuse to forgive, it will hurt us. In the gospel of the unforgiving servant, when he refused to extend the same forgiveness he had received, he was punished severely. The king threw him into prison for his unforgiving heart. The gospel describes what he would endure as torture. Jesus follows this parable up in verse 35 with the words, “That’s why my heavenly Father will do if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.” And there’s a truth to that.
Consider for a moment how bitter and hard an unforgiving heart can become. Consider how angry and hate-filled an unforgiving person can be. Consider how consumed by the wrong an unforgiving person becomes over time. Perhaps it is not a literal prison, but holding on to bad things and letting them eat at your mind and soul day after day is torture. And that torture is self-inflicted. Forgiveness is not giving a cruel person a pass or ending all accountability. Forgiveness is simply letting go of what bad things do to you.
Forgiveness is necessary because it allows God to work and turn evil things for good. Joseph even says this to his brothers in verse 20: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.” We hear the phrase in church that God often works in mysterious ways. But God’s ways aren’t so mysterious because in the end they lead to good things despite all the hard parts in the journey mean people make for us.
It reminds me of a story from a friend’s father. His father lived in a strange kind of household. The parents were old school hippies from the 1960s and 1970s. Their small home was still painted the wild colors, had peace signs decoratively placed, had a circle of cushions to sit on, and even had the old school beads separating one room from another. His parents, though, as they aged, became very, very set in this rigid hippie mindset. They instilled those values in their son over and over. One day when their son was 17, he came home with a short haircut, fitted pants, and a flyer.
He told them that he was joining the military and serving his country in Desert Storm. His anti-war parents were furious. This went against everything they’d ever taught him, everything they believed. Enraged they threw him out of the house and never spoke to him again, cutting all ties for his disobedience and violation of their beliefs. He went on to win a purple heart and a medal of valor for saving the lives of 10 fellow soldiers on the battlefield and went on to be a doctor. He was a hero and a lifesaver. Rejected, made homeless by his parents, and cut off from his whole family and life, God nonetheless worked in and through him for something good and amazing. And to his credit, he forgave his parents and cared for them in their old age.
Forgiveness can never be earned. Forgiveness must be abundant in and from our hearts, and forgiveness protects us from the self-inflicted suffering of bitterness and anger in life. Three of the hardest things to say in life are I’m sorry, I forgive you, and Worcestershire Sauce. But of those three, the most important to say, to live, and to practice is forgiveness, and it must be offered seven times seventy times over in our lives.
Worship Video: https://www.facebook.com/fccmacon/videos/4257578331134891